Heavens knows...

I have never seen your waking up face, though we have been sleeping together for  five... maybe six  years.  I got used to your absences,  to your bloody tears and trembling hands around my neck.  Our neck.  To the way you love me, wreack me, tantalize me. The punch on the belly, the pain and the laughs and the smoke and the scratchs.  I know, you would not forgive me if I gave my insides to another person's hands. I didn't mean to hurt you this way, to cut your limbs out  and neglect you.  I didn't mean to fear you  so bad that  I bleed, and I bleed, and I bleed, and I killed us... You hate me. But you cannot erase me from yourself. We are one. I bear with it. I live with it. Always on the edge. The edge of letting this die at last, the edge of surrender, of giving up on these scars and the impurity of your tongue playing inside my mouth. Of your fangs dipping deep in my sides. Disapear into the dust, within the darkness  of your dreams... I dreamed about you. I dream about you every single day. You fucking slag. You raped me. You treasured, worshiped me, and then you left me to the hydras. Then you came back and stood around while my whole body was shivering in repugnance, waiting for you to pick me up by the hairs and thrust your fingers inside my troath. 

Who's a good girl...?

I didn't mean to hurt you (us) this way.
But that's the way it goes... 

You fuck me.

I tell the world everything's okay. 

You cry over me. 

I walk on you. 

You hide the knife under my pillow.

I close the eyes and smile.

No pills. No regrets. 

Someday this is going to end. 

And I will drag you down with me.